Christmas Crush_Part 1
I know. Christmas is a time of joy and wonder. It’s the time of year for giving, nostalgia, family, traditions, memories, music, songs, and special celebrations. It’s the time of year to remember that Jesus IS Emmanuel - God-with-us.The story of his birth is breathtaking in its humility and God’s love for us.
I love all these things about Christmas.
And yet.
Christmas is always hard for me. The freight train of holiday busyness feels like it sweeps in in a red-and-green tornado of events and gift wrap. So much so - that discerning what is for so many a very difficult season - becomes that much harder to see.
Family fractures can become more pronounced. Loneliness and depression can become more apparent. And grief in many forms (those who have lost a loved one having to celebrate the season without them, hard circumstances that happened around Christmastime, being separated from family, etc) demands to be felt.
And yet.
Jesus really IS Emmanuel. He really DOES want to come and be with us just as He was with a young Mary, a scared Jospeh, and a group of wondering shepherds. He really IS the Healer. And His love really DOES restore.
So we can trust Him with our stories and grief. The story I’m going to share here is fresh - it happened December of last year (2024). And in the rush of weeks and months following this December event, I did what most of us do.
Put one foot in front of the other to get through the “Christmas” session. Moved through my days and weeks. Bought groceries, cleaned house, went to work, scheduled appointments, worked out, and took my son to school.
I dealt with the hard moments as they came - I prayed and believed.
But grief? I didn’t make time for that. I pushed it down and pressed on.
Things that get pressed down have a way of popping up when we least expect it. It started with a general annoyance I found myself feeling over the last few weeks whenever anyone mentioned Christmas to me. I tried to cope with this by joking with my co-workers for playing Christmas music “too early” and teasing my clients about putting up their Christmas trees before Thanksgiving. But underneath, I was bothered that I was actually truly bothered by their engagement in the holiday season. I then tried manage my emotions by joining the crowd and watching a silly Hallmark-esque Christmas movie with a predictable plot and sappy overacting.
I was completely bewildered then when I found myself bawling my eyes out at the end of the movie.
So, finally, in surrender, I did what I should have started with when the first twinges of annoyance had hit:
Me: (wiping away tears) “Father God, what is wrong with me?”
God: “What you are feeling is grief daughter. You’ve been avoiding dealing with it until now.”
Me: “And I’ve loved not dealing with it (oof, thankful Jesus loves honesty) So Father, why has that been working until now?”
God: “Christmas is coming. Let’s process this”
Brian and I feel very vulnerable in sharing this story, but we believe that in so doing, we might help unlock someone else’s process and healing with Jesus. And I believe God in His kindness is asking me to deal with some of this openly so I might practice vulnerability and trust even more as we go the nations as missionaries. So read on to hear our story.
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